Sometimes there is something that shivers inside. I look out the window and watch the clouds spread across the sky and obscure the sun. I feel that something inside me wants to walk, no run, away to somewhere else.
When I was growing up, my mother would start to get this look on her face and she would walk from window to window. She said it was cabin fever. I have noticed that certain people, usually from the Northern climes, understand this antsy feeling when they are trapped in a place for too long. Usually it is from snow, but it can also be from circumstance.
I am feeling it now.
My late-hubby could tell when I had had enough. He would push me into the car and we would drive for hours. I didn’t even have to get out of the car. Movement and scenery was enough to calm the feelings.
He knew it was time to take me home when I fell asleep in the car.
Then I was glad to come back to my problems and face them once again.
I also get this itchy feeling when I am living in the same place longer than three years. Yep, I have the need to wander. So what stops me? Usually fatigue and maybe fear.
My travel partner is in the Great Beyond and I don’t have anyone to travel with me. Oh yes, I have traveled alone many times. It’s just that I’ve found that it is more interesting when I travel with someone else.
When I do finally get enough and decide to “do” something, then I end up sick. I have to remind my body that hospital rooms are not hotel rooms.
I do believe this need to travel and see new things is genetic. Many of my siblings are the same. My parents and grandparents moved several times. We have itchy feet and itchy bones.
My grandmother, Alice, was the only one who wanted a home and didn’t want to leave it. She was an anomaly… but then she wasn’t a Bagley. As she drifted into dementia, she needed the comfort of a familiar place.
It is so hard to describe the longing I feel when I look out the window and hear the train whistle. It beckons me and tells me that there is so much out there to see and feel other than my own rituals and world.
It reminds me of that feeling I get when I embark on a new experience. It reminds me of wonder.